We have adopted an unscriptural custom— “Just let it go” or “Let it be.” We have purposely muffled people into silence by....

 

Silent Killer

I was recently told by a family member, a popular saying that is traditionally echo to silence someone. “Just let it go.” Too often this is the turbulent approach families use to deal with family problems and drama. “Just let it go.” Or, “let it be.”  But what does this accomplish? What does it really achieve when we choose to let something go that needs to be talked about, aired out?

Let It Go

Let it go is an American idiom meaning forget it, to stop worrying about it. Its alternative phrase, let it be, which means leave the situation alone as it is. But how does one forget or let go of something that is creating a major storm within a family circle? How do you let be when a family member betrays you? Or when a sibling acts unjustifiably envious? Or when a parent or trusted family member abuses you or fails to protect you from abuse, etc.? How do you let something so tragic go?

Manifesting Itself Clinically

In the medical field, the popular term silent killer is described as any condition that may progress to very advanced stages before manifesting itself clinically.

Just let it go is a fitting idiom that can be medically labeled as a silent killer. When a family member is forced to let something go instead of properly dealing with the root cause of a problem as the Bible encourages (Matthew 5:23, 24; James 4:1-3; 1 Corinthians 13:4-7), that person is victimize or feels they are a victim and slowly dies emotionally. This can lead to psychological and other health problems, e.g. alcoholism, drug abuse, sexual addictions and even suicide.

 

Greenstone

 

What Is Its True Source

If God’s word does not support, nor encourages acceptable practice of just letting a matter go. What is its source?

 

John 10:10 states that the devil’s purpose is to steal, kill and destroy. This silent killer, “Just let it go” or “Let it be”, has successfully fed into the fabric of our lives worldwide. Destroying individuals, breaking up families, even causing havoc in Christian's homes. The cultural acceptance and practice of letting things go is toxic. It leaves individuals feeling empty, isolated, emotional tormented, rejected, etc. At the same time, it fuels Satan’s ability to create dysfunctional family interactions.

 

Reconcile

At Matthew 5:23, 24, God’s word encourages a completely opposite interaction when addressing family dynamics. Matthew 5:23 encourages us, “Go and be reconciled to that person.” When one reconciles based on God’s word, His customs, and practices, one is brought back into fellowship or favor with another. David M. Allen, M.D., professor emeritus of psychiatry affirms, “If you change your approach to family members, it can force others to change their approach….”

 

Beg Borrow Steal Productions

 

Here’s the Assumption

Within our homes, churches, businesses and in our relationships, we have adopted an unscriptural custom— “Just let it go” or “Let it be.” We have purposely muffled people into silence by belittling or refusing to acknowledge the hurt we have caused someone else. Those who have created the problem have silence the victim by dismissing his or her claims. While those who have witnessed the problem, in a roundabout way, joined forces with the defendant, by echoing “Just let it go.” The assumption is, the problem will evidentially go away if you let it go.

 

Erroneous Understanding

In response to a blogger’s post to help those who have been ensnared by homosexuality, one anonymous commenter wrote, in his or her efforts to silence the blogger, the following.

 

"...When one claims has found peace from one homosexuality via 

religion, then why does on still cry out for help?" The commenter  

continues, "Nobody is perfect.... You will not heal by publicly  

slandering your mother."

 

Afshan Aziz

 

It was obvious from the blogger’s point of view, the anonymous commenter missed the point of the post as well as the entire scope of the blogger’s ministry.

 

God has not called us to a ministry where we keep silent, but a ministry where we proclaim the Good News by means of our personal testimonies. Luke 8:39 says in part, “declare how much God has done for you.” Also see Psalm 66:16 and Psalm 119:46.

 

King David spoke of his testimony, which included his failures. Paul referred to himself as the greatest sinner of them all because of his shortcomings (1 Timothy 1:15, 16). There are so many willing men and women in the Bible that God used, who forsake the demonic custom of being silent killers. Instead, they openly, publicly and willing shared aspects of their private lives with the world, in an open letter in God’s word in order to teach us. To provide us examples of how to live (Romans 15:4).

NAH

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Suiting Up For Battle

Ephesians 6:10 – "...Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power."

 Bulent Kilic (top left), Hosam Katan (bottom left) and Kit O'Connell (right) We all are familiar with the ongoing conflict in the Middle East. During modern times, the Middle East has experienced over 80 conflicts (e.g. uprising, massacres, coups, revolts, insurgencies, etc.), while taking the lives of millions of people. For some of us, similar to the ongoing conflicts in the Middle East, there is constant civil unrest in our lives. In response to this civil unrest, some of us have become masters at pretending, looking away from life’s problems, hoping that they will simple go away. Too many of us fail to acknowledge the real source or sources of the conflicts in our lives. Instead, we opt to take a mellow (laid-back) approach toward life problems, which leads to discontentment, unhappiness, depression - a defeated Christian life. Through our study series, Victories Don’t Come by Accident, part 2, Suiting Up For Battle, our heavenly Father wants to prove to this Life Group that this is not it. This is not the life He has for you. He is determined to prove to you that he has provided you everything you need to be victorious in this mangle world. Review the video link from last night’s lesson. Click here. Juan Pablo Di Pace, who played the role of Jesus in the TV series, AD The Bible Continues, made a simple, but very powerful statement in this clip.   “When the Holy Spirit comes to you. You will receive power.”   God gives us the power, His power, that we need to change our circumstances, to properly equip us to fight the battles that comes up in our lives. He provided us everything we need to FIGHT WELL AND WIN. Last night, we saw, when we CHOOSE to fight any of our battles without God or Holy Spirit, it is futile. Let that soak in for a minute by reading that again. When we CHOOSE to fight any of our battles without God or Holy Spirit, it is futile. It equates to going into a military conflict without the proper equipment. I cannot imagine any of you going off to fight in a military battle and leaving behind your gun, protective gear, radio for communication, etc. That’s exactly what we are electing to do each time we go into battle to deal with life problems without God. As we live out our lives from day to day, we often don’t recognize or realize there is a war going on in each of our individual world. In each of our lives, there is a strategic plan of action taken place to cause havoc in our lives. Everyday that you get up, the moment you step out of your bed, you step onto the battlefield. A battlefield that is invisible to the naked eye, but is real. A battlefield where there is   No cease fire No truce No cessation (break) of hostilities for the sole purpose of causing you to live a defeated and powerless Christian life, completely separated from God and His plan for you.   During last night Bible study, we only covered question #1 because it is vital that each of you understand the importance of preparation on your part before stepping onto your battlefield each day. Before you can properly get into your customized God’s suit of armor, you must get into His presence and prep for your day in His strength. That’s  what Ephesians 6:10 incites us to do, to “…be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.” As we saw last night, being strong in the Lord requires us to have a waiting attitude. To wait in faith To wait patiently for the Lord God wants to show each one us   How to reverse our poor and inadequate planning for our part, against the personalize schemes and attacks on our lives Teach and show us how to prepare and fight well How to be victorious in every aspect of our lives This requires us to be not strong in ourselves – our inadequate attempts to solve our problems independent from God. But to be completely dependent on His provisions and resources, knowing that only God can solve our problems for us – all our problems for us. King David provided a very simple formula, if applied, that guarantees you to see the scene of your battlefield start to change in your favor. Even through the duration, the intensity of your battles may increase, the victory of each battle will become yours each time. Although King David speaks of his frustration of seeing the unrighteousness prosper in these verses, Psalm 37:1-8 can be applied to any problem in life. Below are just a few key words from those verses. V1 Don’t worry…neither be envious V2 Trust in the LORD and do good V4 Delight (commit) in the LORD V5 Commit everything you do in the LORD. Trust Him. V7 Rest (be still) in the presence of the LORD and wait patiently for him to act V8 Stop being angry. Turn from your rage. Don’t lose your temper. In closing, take a few minutes to journal in your notebook, areas in your life you need to learn to be more strong in the Lord. Areas where you need to learn to wait on Him in faith. Areas where you need to learn to rest in His might power. Next Monday, December 14, we will conclude, Suiting Up For Battle, by covering questions 2-5 from last Thursday’s Study Guide. I will resend the Study Guide on Thursday, December 10.

Yes, God can act powerful through Life Groups too! Healing, deliverance, etc....

Yes, God can act powerful through Life Groups too! Healing, deliverance, etc. The entire room was overcome with emotions....

 

2 Corinthians 13:5 – Examine yourselves

I believe, I can say with confidence that the Holy Spirit showed up in a major way last night. God showed up and proved to each one of us that He is the I AM. Everything that He purposes, He shall do. That purpose is that the Body of Christ that includes each member of this Life Group, fully operate in the gifts of the Spirit that He has placed in us. And last night, He opened that door in ways we had never seen. So much so that by the time He was done, and you all can correct me if I am wrong, I was crying; Andrea was in tears; Felicia was weeping; Jeanne was crying; my daughter was in a state of shock and Sherri was emotionally taken aback. We all were emotionally affected by the presence of the Holy Spirit. No one can deny it that we all saw and felt God's presence in a profound way last night. His presence was strong, active and powerful. THIS WEEK'S REFLECTIONS God is taking all of us on a journey in honestly evaluating what is in our hearts spiritually. And I believe, He revealed in some of us our lukewarm behaviors and attitudes. Too many of us are gifted in one or more the gifts of the Spirit, but we have allowed our fear of others and even our own slumberous to prevent God from elevating us spiritually. Too many of us are living like Elizabeth Jordan in the War Room video clip. We are successful in our professional lives, but defeated in our personal lives. Like Elizabeth, we even think we are okay spiritually. She occasionally attended Riverdale Community Church. She feels she knows the Lord. She believes in God like most people. And she even expressed that He is very important to her. But God revealed to her through Miss Clara, her prayer life; her occasionally visits to God's house; indicated otherwise. God used Miss Clara to challenge Elizabeth to be honest with herself, as to where she really is in her spiritual life. Click here to see video clip. Be Honest So let's be honest. As we saw from the video, even through Elizabeth felt she was ok spiritually, it was obvious she was lukewarm. As we read last night, we came to a clear understanding how God feels about lukewarmness. Revelation 3:16 says, "But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!" Yes, our lukewarmness in our worship is making God nausea. So much so, He is ready to spit us out. Similar to how Elizabeth reacted after she drunk the lukewarm coffee that Miss Clara gave her that represented Elizabeth's actual spiritual life. This week, as you review the content from last night lesson and the previous studies, honestly evaluate yourself and make notes in your journal. Are you cold? Hot? Or lukewarm? Is your spiritual activity or the lack there of  making God feels nauseous? Like Elizabeth, do we think we are ok spiritually when we actually are functioning in a backslidden spiritual condition - where we lack genuine faith and spiritual understanding? As Andrea mentioned, "you have not picked a side." Some of us are straggling the fence concerning our spiritual life. For example, in our Life Group, whether you attend our group weekly, or our virtual group, there are giftings God has placed in you (1 Corinthians 12:1, 4-7), but how many of us can say we are operating daily in the gift that God has placed in us. We have the authority, but where is the power behind what God has granted each one of you (James 5:16). It amazes me how God uses relatable metaphor to make a point to us. My grandbaby, Talia, who was present at the Life Group last night, was the visible metaphor God used to show us that there is power in each one of us. She was our visible aid to remind us the authority that Christ has granted each one us, but it is laying dormant, simply waiting on us to stop sleeping on our gifts that are in us. Many of you are aware of the difficult pregnancy we had with Talia. Her survival was questionable. Yet, we collectively prayed and shamed the devil. As James 5:16 states, "...a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results. Well here is the wonderful result when we operate freely and confidentially in our gifts of the Spirit - my grandbaby. Here's another result that you are not aware of. As God's Spirit was moving last night over each one of us, He was allowing Felicia, who is gifted in the gift of healing, to indirectly heal my grandbaby of another medical problem she was having. Prior to last night, although, Talia's appetite had picked up tremendously, she was not putting out nearly as much as she was taking in. She was not really wetting her pampers. However, when we got home last night, after her mother changed her diapers, she was shocked. Talia's diaper was soaked. When we changed her this morning, again, her pamper was completely saturated. Don't tell me that our God is not operating supernaturally today. That He is not moving through us to perform miracles, healing, etc. (1 Corinthians 12:28). For the soul purpose of His glory and for us to help one another (1 Corinthians 12:7, 25). As Paul says at 1 Corinthians 12:31b, "...let me show you a way of life that is best of all." Ladies, walk in it. Fearless walk in it - in whatever gift or gifts God has placed in you. One finally thought. One person from the group has already confessed to me that she saw the setting we were in last night in  a vision before it happened. It was like déjà vu and she was shocked. Another confessed that through this series lesson, the Holy Spirit gave her the boldness she needed to overcome her fears and to operate in the gifts God has granted her. What about you?

Why God Does

Extra Aamile

Sometimes, I don't completely understand why God asks or instructs me to approach the people I do, to post the things that I post, to extend certain invitations that He has me to extend. I don't know.

Maybe He wants to see how some will react or show them what's really in their heart by the way they respond or a lack of response. Either way, I have learned that there are blessings in submitting, being obedient and sitting back and watching Him create situations, moving mountains, molding and changing hearts and minds, and bringing about real and fruitful results. It's not about me, but Him and peoples' souls. Individuals who need more of Him, but can't see it. Or, just simply lost. I know this for a fact, from first-hand experience. Concerning the miracle, He did in me, considering how conceited I once was.

#egochanger #surrender #truefreedom #obedience

Some Christians and family members are hijacking my freedom to live free from....

I can’t tell you right off the top of my head how long I’ve been freed from homosexuality. It’s been a long time. However, the duration of my freedom is of no value to me. What is of importance, is my repentance and that I have completely surrendered my life to Christ. Living faithful and committed to him. 

I really don’t think about that life I once lived until a Christian, family member, a friend or a stranger’s reaction does something that triggers my past in some way. That trigger I call ASSUMPTIONS. The dictionary defines assumption as a belief, expectation, premise, or inference that something is accepted as true or as certain to happen, WITHOUT PROOF. Let me explain.

Some Christians and family members are hijacking my freedom to live free from my sin. Because their actions or suspicion assumes that I can never truly live free from homosexuality. 

Case in a point: a Christian sister and I are friends on social media. We communicate often through email, but have never had a face-to-face encounter. Initially, it just never came up. After developing a friendship through email and social media over several months, this sister says to me one day, “We got to get together soon.” Shortly after that, that sister schedules a meet and greet. The day of our meeting she cancels for personal reasons. Okay, no biggie right. Some time after, she rescheduled. Again, right before we are supposed to meet, she cancels. This became a pattern with this sister. Eventually, when she made a request to meet again, I didn’t bother to reply. 

Another scenario. A Christian sister and I met at church. Our personality gravitated toward each other. At each meeting, she would always initiate conversations between us two. This went on for weeks and we slowly became good friends. That led to us evidentially exchanging personal information. We continue our communication outside of church by means of email and eventually we became friends on social media. It was through my Facebook page that she learned of my past through the promotion of my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life. Shortly afterward, although we remain friends on Facebook, all communication between this fast-growing friendship, has practically almost ceased. 

To help the reader to understand the role that ASSUMPTIONS play and the damage it can cause, I need to reflect for a moment on the misconception that have infiltrated the LGBT population and has quietly made its way into some segments of the Christian community. 

One PFLAG leader recently made claims in her “red flag” warning list to the LGBT community was this. It is impossible for anyone to live completely free from homosexuality. For those who claimed to be freed, they are not. They are only suppressing their desire. 

Okay, let’s ASSUME that is true. Is that a bad thing? That a person who wants to be freed from sexual impulses has mastered a way to free himself or herself from living a way that he or she has concluded for themselves that it is not a right way to live. Do that dehumanize that person or makes them a “fake” because they have chosen for themselves that being gay or lesbian is no longer an idea life for themselves?

The ASSUMPTIONS by some within the LGBT community is the acceptance of the ideology that one is born this way. Yet, as defined by almost every dictionary, homosexuality is defined as an act, not what a person is. 

Merriam Webster – a tendency to direct sexual desire toward another of the same sex.

Wikipedia – a romantic attraction, sexual attraction between members of the same sex.

Oxford – a person who is sexually attracted to people of the own sex.

Cambridge – a person who is sexually attracted to people of the same sex.

Apple – characterized by sexual attraction between people of the same sex.

Again, an act, but not who you are. So, for a moment, let’s look at how we become who we are. Simple put – DNA (Deoxyribo Nucleic Acid). DNA is the blueprint of who we are. DNA creates RNA (Ribonucleic Acid). In turn, they form you and me. By default, all foetus or fetus is female. Until the SRY (sex-determining gene), also called TDF (testis-determining factor) turns itself on. If it turns itself on, then you have a boy. 

Our DNA decides our height, weight, gender and hair, eyes, and skin color, etc., but what about our personality? How does our DNA influences who we choose to become as we grow and mature? Does our DNA pre-programs us to be a certain way, like gay or lesbian, despite what our gender indicates?

Well, let’s consider this. If you take every person who currently lives a homosexual life back in time, to the point, before this life choice became a part of who they are. Place them on an island by themselves, with no human influence. Would this kind of desire still exist or be an option they would consider? 

I have never shared this fact with anyone, but as for me, homosexuality was introduced to me at a very young age. When a female family member introduced this life to me. So the seed was planted. Yet, it was not until I was in college that I was introduced to the word lesbian for the first time. Months later, I would learn what gay is. And a few years later, in my late twenties, I learned what lesbian is. It was not who I was. But it was something that was introduced to my environment at a young age. Throughout the course of my life, other incidents further fed into my curiosity through my senses. What I saw, heard and read concerning this lifestyle choice. And at some point, years of environmental influences became a reality for me. 

If you want to be technical about it, what I am is a woman. That is who God created me to be. That is my DNA makeup. However, the society in which I was born into has dictated to me over the years, how a woman should conduct herself. What she should look like, smell like, and be like. As a woman, I can choose whether I want to buy into what society says is normal for a woman. Or, I can choose to be something else. Either way, it is a choice; a free will to choose my path despite how God created me in my mother’s womb. 

One finally thought. We all need to be reminded of our Creator and His ways. To those Christians who have allowed the spirit of fear and suspension to creep into their Spirit, please stop it! You are robbing your Christian brothers and sisters of their right to operate freely in God’s house to worship as God has created them to be and you are opening a gateway for Satan to run rampant in the Church. I have left that life and closed that door. I certainly don't need reminders of a past that I no longer visit. 

To my brothers and sisters that have found themselves still trap in the lifestyle of homosexuality. Those who know in their heart, you are looking for a way out. You want to be freed. There is room for you in God’s house. Jesus is standing at your doorway. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting for you to invite him in. Just remember.

Psalm 139:13 Remember God knitted you together in your mother’s womb. And this life is not what He designed for you.

Jeremiah 1:5 Like Jeremiah, He knew you before you were in your mother’s womb. Before you were even born, He has set you apart.

Despite where you are; the ideology that is rampant in the LGBT community; the inappropriate behaviors and reactions by some Christians; GOD LOVES YOU. Let me say that again. GOD LOVES YOU. And in your heart, you know he does. Focus on that and find your way home. Not to man. Nor even to the Church, but to the Father. Just come home.

It Benefits All - Book Summary

It benefits all! 

• Those who want to be freed
• Those who are questioning
• Those who want to fulfill their God-given commission (Matthew 28:19, 20)

The Boldness of One PFLAG Member... Speechless

Wow! I had to separate myself from that one. Unliked! Unsubscribed! The danger and boldness of some, to warn LGBT individuals, "...let it be a red flag when...." I'm sitting here with my mouth wide opened.

I am not interested in scared tactics. However, I am interested in supporting and helping those who really wants it. You can have it. Step away Deaidre. Just walk away girl and let this PFLAG member, leader, or whoever she is, have her battle with God concerning her claims (2 Chronicles 20:15). Lord, have mercy, but it is up to you to reply to that one. In Jesus of name, you know the thought that you placed in my Spirit. So be it. AMEN and AMEN!

So the battle lines have officially been drawn in the sand. Satan has purposely cast me deeper into this spiritual warfare and made me very visible. Ok, Father, I am completely looking to you for protection, guidance and discernment.

Plots & Attacks....

Oh, the many different ways and channels Satan uses to knock one off your God given path. I rebuke you in the name of Jesus. For I clearly understand and know my destiny.

Helping an Ex-lesbian

Randy Alcorn and Jonathan Edwards

God, thank you for the wonderful privilege today. To be blessed to help another sister who has left her lesbian lifestyle, at her request, to help her select and buy female style clothing for herself. Not because she was pressured or made to feel a certain kind of way, but because she was ready to take this step. My heart was moved with joy and tears for being asked to be a part of this process and for her. 

ASSUMPTIONS

In our quest to live Christ-like, we need to exhibit the same attributes as Christ when viewing others. Isaiah 11:3 says, “He will delight in obeying the LORD. He will not judge by appearance nor make a decision based on hearsay (NLT).” ASSUMPTIONS is a monthly column that shares real life situations where people make assumptions about others based on appearance, hearsay or wrongful perspective. The goal of this column is to get people to rethink their thinking process of others and see the affect their assumptions can have on peoples’ Spirit.

This Book Is Only For Those Who Are Gay....

For more information, visit kambymanagement.com/surrendering.

COINCIDENCE? I say not!

COINCIDENCE?

The day my publisher in Florida was preparing my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life to be shipped to me and released to the public, they experienced a severe lighting storm.

Pixcooler

The day my books were mailed to me for two days before they arrived, there were very bad lighting and rainstorms that took place throughout North Carolina and especially around my home.

The day that I received word that my book was brought before the attention of a North Carolina lawyer and its content was causing strife in at least one lesbian home, God put it in my Spirit to report it to other Christians and have them raise their voices in prayer. This took place yesterday – almost all day. The same day and today, North Carolina and South Carolina are both being affected by a major flood.

And today, the Holy Spirit had me throughout most of the church service to speak in tongues because I learned later; He wanted and needed to move in a powerful way. I say coincidence not.

WE MUST PRAYER. WE MUST PRAYER. GOD IS CALLING CHRISTIANS EVERYWHERE TO SPEAK IN YOUR PURE LANGUAGE AND PRAY. Matthew 18:20, we must collectively gather our voices together and collectively pray.

A LGBT Member Report My Book To A North Carolina Lawyer

And so the persecution begins. I was just notified that my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life, was given to a North Carolina lawyer by a member in the LGBT community. Evidently, my book is causing strife in the relationship of one lesbian couple. An informal complaint has been filed, but I am rejoicing. For it is God who has come and using me to set this matter straight (Ecclesiastes 7:13). So please pray that God opens up the heavens and the floodgates to heal those in the LGBT community worldwide that are in need of healing. And that He protects me through this process and keep me safe until His will is finished concerning this matter.

For more information about my book, visit kambymanagement.com/surrendering.

Can No Longer Sit Idly

At Times I Became Upset With My Mother Because Of My Same-Sex Attraction

I have to admit. I found myself struggling emotionally as I listened to some of the stories of these mothers who have children in the LGBT community. I am taken aback by how many mothers confessed, they noticed at an early age, their son or daughter exhibiting behaviors that were not considered socially normal.

Let me explain what I mean. As an adult, when I internalized my same-sex attraction – I tried to

understand why I felt the way I did? Why could I not shake it? What was wrong with me, etc.? There were times I became upset with my mother during these times and I did not understand why.

Okay, this is harder than I thought because I must reopen my Pandora’s box to expose Family Lies and Secrets to continue my forward progress of healing from my past and to help others to really benefit from my story. (Also, see chapter 5 in my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life).

The Memory: I was maybe 12 or 13 years old. My mother had taken us kids to visit with one of her girlfriends who had a son around the same age as my brother. At some point, all the kids went outside to play. I was in one of my moods, so I stayed behind and sat quietly in the back bedroom. While I was there, I overheard the conversation between my mother and her girlfriend. At some point, my mother’s friend asked, “Well, what will you do if she turns out gay?” A few seconds passed without anything being said. Then my mother said, “I don’t know. It’s her choice. But I would love her regardless.”

So, my mother was aware. She was an indirect eyewitness to a few incidents during my childhood that clearly indicated which way I was headed if no intervention took place. Yet, years later, my mother would utter the words that she did not know. I don’t know, maybe she forgot. Or, maybe she too repressed some of her memories. Either way, this matter was left unchecked and unaddressed during my childhood.

Looking back, from my perspective, my mother was aware of my same-sex attraction. But I don’t recall once during my childhood were my mother addressed my struggles with me. I never recall my mother helping me to sort out my inappropriate mindset or desire. So as an adult, when I internalized my same-sex attraction, I remembered many times getting angry with my mother. At the time, I did not know why.

Writings of Christian Lesbian Blog

My conversations with some mothers of gays and lesbians’ children helped me to recently understand my frustrations during those times. Deep inside of me, I wanted my mother to rescue me from myself - from my same-sex attraction that kept rearing its little head from time to time. At that time, I needed my mother’s loving support, guidance, direction and correction. I needed her to tell me that she understood my confusion and even my curiosity, but then show me why my desires were wrong.

At least, the silver lining in the stories of these mothers’ stories that I was privy to hear, they are talking with their adult gay and lesbian, sons and daughters about their attractions. They are showing and expressing them unconditional love. They are patiently waiting for windows of opportunities to help their adult children to sort through their life choices. I applaud these women because they are determined to save their adult children despite their children’s plight. They are expressing the same unconditional love as Christ has expressed for all mankind.

Romans 5:6, 8

6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (KJV). 

Yes, mothers need to love their children unconditionally, but it must be done with balance - balance that will help to liberate their children. I don’t know any child who don’t want or need to have the acceptance, love, guidance and direction from their parents. But, in the same token, a child needs constant and at times firm, correction. If only my mother would have corrected my mindset, my inappropriate desires at an early age, instead of just accepting it. I have to admit, there are times I wonder, would it have made the difference? I guess I will never know.

DAY 16- 5k TRAINING

DAY 16- 5k TRAINING: It is nice to see the pounds fall off. But, my favorite thing about my morning run - is experiencing God along the way. 

I have not run in the rain in a long time. It is one of the most relaxing experience. It just amazes me how He knows what I need and when exactly I need it. His willingness to open up the heavens to show me favor is just inspiring. 

#Relaxation #MorningRun #FeelHisPresence #FloodGatesOfHeaven #LetItRain

Achievement: 0.86 mi @run5k session

"We've given up everything to follow you." Everything! Everything....

I am committed to this calling, no matter the sacrifice. For it has taken me 30 years plus to learn that no one, nor myself, have the right answers to bring out peace, security or happiness in their own lives. 

Like others, I tried to find and fill it through family, friends, marriage, lovers, my children, academics, myself and career. But I have finally found wisdom in the wise words of King Soloman - "everything is meaningless, like chasing the wind" (Ecclesiastes 1:14). For one can gain wealth, power and prestige, but "what do people get for all their hard work under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:3) It all mounts down to one thing, it is like chasing the wind (Ecclesiastes 1:17).

My Pastor, David Chadwick said something today that brought me to tears. He quoted from Mark 10:28, when Peter said to Jesus, "We've given up everything to follow you." Everything! Everything. How profound is that? To give up chasing the whirlwind of life to follow Christ.

Yet, I have taken the same vow, made the same commitment to Christ as Peter. I've given up everything - my professional pursuits, my search for greater wisdom, lesbianism, walked away from many friendships - all in pursuit of one man - Jesus Christ.

Then my Pastor asked this question to the congregation as he quoted Peter in response to his sacrifices. "What will we get?" (Matthew 19:27) I never give any thought to such question before, but now I am pondering it. "Father! What do I get?"

It made me realize, after all is said and done, that I could lose many family members. Simply because of my willingness to be faithful to Christ - because I have agreed to fulfill my commission by writing this book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life. It was at that moment, it was like Christ himself came down from his throne and spoke directly to me as my Pastor read these words at Mark 10:29, 30. "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, FOR MY SAKE AND FOR THE GOSPEL, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life" (ESV).

I could not compose myself. Because at that moment, I knew, no matter what I have voluntarily given up or people or things I will lose during this season, God has already provided me something greater. How much I needed those words today to keep pressuring forward.

#InstrumentForChrist #MyLifeIsNotMyOwn #YouCanUseMe #IGiveMyselfAway #KingdomWork #Sacrifice #ToJesusIBelong

...After more than 30 years after my childhood abuse that wrecked the lives of my family....

For the first time, after more than 30 years after my childhood abuse, that wrecked the lives of my family, my mother honestly poured her heart out to me. For the first time, she has expressed her pain, sorrow and angry. I got to say some things to my mother I thought I would never be able to express and witness my best friend provide her comfort she desperately needs. Glory be to God.

I have to admit, if God didn't push me to write my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life, I don't think our conversation this evening would have never taken placed. Thank you, God! This book has open doors that I thought could never be open and is helping my family to heal from our brokenness together.

Based on True Events - Characteristics of Murmuring, Complaining and Self-centeredness,

Based on True Events

A Lesson from Christ. This lesson is based on actual events. A Christian is struggling with the characteristics of murmuring, complaining and self-centeredness, to the point that Jesus has decided to use another servant to address and correct the matter. Below are the events being told by the sister whom God used to teach a moral lesson.

Sundays are my Sabbath day – my day of rest. I used my Sabbath day to watch either Christian or animated movies. Usually, ABC plays the best of animated movies all day, which I was in the mood to watch. But no luck this Sunday. I guess because of football season. Disappointed, I decided to flip through the channels to see what else I could find. As I’m flipping, my mind decides to playback a conversation I had with a close friend after church service. At some point, she interrupted our conversation about the wonderful message Pastor David Chadwick gave and asked me would I pray for her. She finally admitted she knows she has been murmuring and complaining about the people at her job. She just did not know how to stop this habit she has developed.

As I am flipping through the channels, I bypassed the movie, Finding Normal twice by Pure Flix. I have seen that movie at least three times already and I was not in the mood for real life comedy, I wanted separation from real life stuff and escape into the world of animation. But then I felt in my Spirit, this urge to watch it. So I went back a few channels and lay on my soft red leather couch to enjoy a movie I did not want to watch.

(A scene in the movie) - At some point, Doc Shelby approaches Dr. Lisa Leland and explains to her the difference between his avocation (what he is skilled to do) and vocation (his true calling). I listened to the profoundness in the lesson he is teaching her, I heard the Spirit said to me, you are missing the point, go back. So I pressed rewind on the remote control. But it won’t rewind. Then I realized I was watching cable TV. The Spirit spoke again and said, child, look it up on Netflix. I laughed at myself and grabbed my Mac. After listening to that section of the movie twice, the Spirit instructed me to grab my pen and notebook and write down this section in my notebook, but I would need to make three adjustments to it. So I did as I was told. Then the Spirit told me to read Mark 5:1-20. So I did as I was told. Then the Spirit said to me to write down exactly what I am about to say. So I did. Finally, the Spirit instructed me to go to this Christian sister and tell her everything the Spirit had shared with me. So I asked, but what do I say. The only thing the Spirit said to me was, “I will instruct you how and the order in which to say things upon your arrival.

As I got near to my Christian sister, I prayed, “Please arrive before I do and put her in the right Spirit. Make sure the right personality is present upon my arrival.”

I sat down to share with my Christian sister what had happened and why I was there to speak with her. She looked intently and intrigued. I first explained the difference between her avocation and vocation. I reminded her when she shows up to work every day, she never takes off her vocation (true calling – serving others through kingdom work). Then I explained to her that I was going to read something from the movie, Finding Normal, but with a twist, a slight change in three areas. Here is how it was read.

(Doc Shelby says the following to Dr. Lisa Leland; name has been changed) – Tiffany, I would like to challenge your experience if I could. With all due respect, I like to submit, if you accept a patient or the world [meaning people (added content for purpose of moral lesson)] into your care, manage their symptoms, alleviate their pain, extend their days to the full extent of your art. Yet, if you leave them sad, alone, in fear of death, due to your murmuring, complaining, self-centeredness temperament and lack of love (added content), then you have not reached your fullest potential.

The Spirit told me to have her to read Mark 5:1-20. Then have her to explain to me how she thought she fit into the lesson. As she was reading the verses to me, at the bottom of my notebook paper, the Spirit told me, “Write that down and now add this. Write that down too, but put this instead.” So I did as I was told. She proceeded to explain to me how she saw herself in the lesson. The Spirit yelled out “Wrong!” I could feel the Spirit lean in close and whisper softly in my left ear, now read back to her what you wrote at the bottom of your notebook. So I read…

"Those who have on chains are your co-workers. Satan has them chained and in his possession and control. But your job hired you because God sent you there on assignment. We are all on assignment in our workplace. Life pressures, their own poor choices, their sin nature, etc. has driven many of your co-workers to live a life of insanity. Your job or vocation is to act upon Jesus behalf and bring these people back to sanity. But, upon your arrival, the demons immediately recognized who you are. Although, you cannot see them, they know you have arrived there to interfere in their business. So to keep you from fulfilling your assignment, they have tricked you into focusing on your weakness – your complaining, murmuring and self-centered spirit, instead of your calling. As long as they can keep you focus on your co-workers’ insanity, you will be frustrated and full of yourself that you would spend more time complaining and murmuring than doing what you were called there to do.

Then I heard the Spirit said “Shhh.” So I did as I was told. For about 30 seconds, there was quietness and my Christian sister was taking in what all was said. Then the Spirit said, “Read that last paragraph on your paper.” So I said to my Christian sister, what I am about to read is a message from the Father to you. And these are His exact words.

Tiffany, you are not possessed by a demon, but you are enslaved, captive by your past – things you have observed from your childhood. You have developed a habit of dominating others through your complaining and murmuring spirit. You don’t need any casting out of demons to be freed from this spirit that have you captive. You simply need to choose to set yourself free. Until you do, you will never reach your fullest potential. The “I” that I keep reminding you that you lack – “I” means investing in others, is hindering you from reaching your fullest potential. You need to accept your true calling by serving others on the job, in the streets and in your home. You have not accepted this calling in your heart as of yet. Therefore, you have not reached your fullest potential in God’s Kingdom.

Now that I fully understand what God did through me, we both sat there speechless – in silence. I said a few more words that were encouraging. Then I got up, grabbed my bible and left while my Christian sister sat there in stillness.