Two Ex-Lesbians Having a Conversation About Men

I am only sharing this conversation because God placed it on my heart to do so. May be He is trying to help someone(s) through this God driven conversation between two ex-lesbians.

Deaidre: It gets quite alone in this big house. But it helped me to make a huge decision about marriage.  By the way, God helped me to understand why He sent “Brother A” my way as an option. At the time, God was not making sense to me. Why this brother? Really? But now it makes sense, but I told God thanks, but no thanks. =) Any rate, in the name of Jesus, y’all have a safe trip.

Felicia: Thanks… and why did He send “Brother A” your way?

Deaidre: He helped me to appreciate that when He places a certain brother in our hearts, “this is your husband”, often, we as women expect too much – Mr. Everything. The “Wow Factor”. We expect God to send us Mr. Everything wrapped up perfectly – we have an everything I want in a man mentality, when actually the brother has weaknesses and imperfections that we often pick up on right a way. Then we lock in those areas, which usually runs us off. He is not this and that and lacks A, B, and C. Not realizing that there is something in you or me that God knows that makes you or me a good match to help him (Gen 2:18). There is something in you or me that will help strengthen that brother’s weaknesses or make him a better and stronger man of God.  I was like “Oh. “ But then He asked me did I have the patience and the character to overlook “Brother A's” flaws? It really made me think.

Felicia: “Oh”.

Deaidre: So I told God IDK. I don’t know if I really have the character and the patience without causing “Brother A” any more hurt or emotional damage. So I told Him, the only way I could with “Brother A”, if he shows consistency, no fear about entering in a relationship and if he consistently pursue me without making me feel he is leaving hanging at times. I told God to be honest, I don’t think it’s in “Brother A” to do that with any woman at this point. Therefore, I will pass on this one. God completely understood my position. Why you just said “Oh”?

Felicia: That was deep and I never looked at it that way. We do focus on the flaws and allow those flaws to run us away. I look at my auntie who just passed. She was faithful to her husband and dedicated. He is on dialysis and lost a leg. She basically did everything for him. She loved him. True love overlooks flaws and sees the best in a person, yes acknowledging the flaws. But not allowing the flaws to drive us away.

Deaidre: Now I understand why guys say we expect too much or our standards are too high. It makes more sense now.

Felicia: If you know you won’t be able to overlook or deal with the flaws… don’t start with “Brother A”. Because he is older and has his ways and issues as we all do.

Deaidre: Yea, I’m not willing to chase no man. Or put up with a man who is debating or not sure what he wants to do. Don’t waste my time. Or that Brother that feels he needs to interact with every sister, trying to decide who is for him. That’s where I draw THE LINE. He better know what he wants and be ready to chase me until I’m tired of running.

“Brother A” is only five years older than me. Any rate, that’s why I told God, no based on the reasons I gave. I don’t think “Brother A” is emotionally ready. He is unsure of himself and he is still looking for a woman to fill mom’s shoes. I want to be someone’s wife not momma. So I decided to back off several days ago. I will only interact with him if he initiates it.

Felicia: Just be his friend w/o the expectations of him being your husband. If you see that he is indecisive.. Move on and allow God to send you a husband who knows and shows that you are who he wants.

Deaidre: You are not listening. I told God, no as far as “Brother A”. That was the main reason. He seems like an indecisive man. Maybe I am equipped to handle and nurture such a man, but I told God I don’t want to. I really don’t want to deal with a man that can’t be consistent in making decisions. Did that with my ex-husband.

Felicia: I just saw the text you sent telling me you told God no.