A LGBT Member Report My Book To A North Carolina Lawyer

And so the persecution begins. I was just notified that my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life, was given to a North Carolina lawyer by a member in the LGBT community. Evidently, my book is causing strife in the relationship of one lesbian couple. An informal complaint has been filed, but I am rejoicing. For it is God who has come and using me to set this matter straight (Ecclesiastes 7:13). So please pray that God opens up the heavens and the floodgates to heal those in the LGBT community worldwide that are in need of healing. And that He protects me through this process and keep me safe until His will is finished concerning this matter.

For more information about my book, visit kambymanagement.com/surrendering.

Can No Longer Sit Idly

At Times I Became Upset With My Mother Because Of My Same-Sex Attraction

I have to admit. I found myself struggling emotionally as I listened to some of the stories of these mothers who have children in the LGBT community. I am taken aback by how many mothers confessed, they noticed at an early age, their son or daughter exhibiting behaviors that were not considered socially normal.

Let me explain what I mean. As an adult, when I internalized my same-sex attraction – I tried to

understand why I felt the way I did? Why could I not shake it? What was wrong with me, etc.? There were times I became upset with my mother during these times and I did not understand why.

Okay, this is harder than I thought because I must reopen my Pandora’s box to expose Family Lies and Secrets to continue my forward progress of healing from my past and to help others to really benefit from my story. (Also, see chapter 5 in my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life).

The Memory: I was maybe 12 or 13 years old. My mother had taken us kids to visit with one of her girlfriends who had a son around the same age as my brother. At some point, all the kids went outside to play. I was in one of my moods, so I stayed behind and sat quietly in the back bedroom. While I was there, I overheard the conversation between my mother and her girlfriend. At some point, my mother’s friend asked, “Well, what will you do if she turns out gay?” A few seconds passed without anything being said. Then my mother said, “I don’t know. It’s her choice. But I would love her regardless.”

So, my mother was aware. She was an indirect eyewitness to a few incidents during my childhood that clearly indicated which way I was headed if no intervention took place. Yet, years later, my mother would utter the words that she did not know. I don’t know, maybe she forgot. Or, maybe she too repressed some of her memories. Either way, this matter was left unchecked and unaddressed during my childhood.

Looking back, from my perspective, my mother was aware of my same-sex attraction. But I don’t recall once during my childhood were my mother addressed my struggles with me. I never recall my mother helping me to sort out my inappropriate mindset or desire. So as an adult, when I internalized my same-sex attraction, I remembered many times getting angry with my mother. At the time, I did not know why.

Writings of Christian Lesbian Blog

My conversations with some mothers of gays and lesbians’ children helped me to recently understand my frustrations during those times. Deep inside of me, I wanted my mother to rescue me from myself - from my same-sex attraction that kept rearing its little head from time to time. At that time, I needed my mother’s loving support, guidance, direction and correction. I needed her to tell me that she understood my confusion and even my curiosity, but then show me why my desires were wrong.

At least, the silver lining in the stories of these mothers’ stories that I was privy to hear, they are talking with their adult gay and lesbian, sons and daughters about their attractions. They are showing and expressing them unconditional love. They are patiently waiting for windows of opportunities to help their adult children to sort through their life choices. I applaud these women because they are determined to save their adult children despite their children’s plight. They are expressing the same unconditional love as Christ has expressed for all mankind.

Romans 5:6, 8

6 For when we were yet without strength, in due time Christ died for the ungodly. 8 But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (KJV). 

Yes, mothers need to love their children unconditionally, but it must be done with balance - balance that will help to liberate their children. I don’t know any child who don’t want or need to have the acceptance, love, guidance and direction from their parents. But, in the same token, a child needs constant and at times firm, correction. If only my mother would have corrected my mindset, my inappropriate desires at an early age, instead of just accepting it. I have to admit, there are times I wonder, would it have made the difference? I guess I will never know.

DAY 16- 5k TRAINING

DAY 16- 5k TRAINING: It is nice to see the pounds fall off. But, my favorite thing about my morning run - is experiencing God along the way. 

I have not run in the rain in a long time. It is one of the most relaxing experience. It just amazes me how He knows what I need and when exactly I need it. His willingness to open up the heavens to show me favor is just inspiring. 

#Relaxation #MorningRun #FeelHisPresence #FloodGatesOfHeaven #LetItRain

Achievement: 0.86 mi @run5k session

"We've given up everything to follow you." Everything! Everything....

I am committed to this calling, no matter the sacrifice. For it has taken me 30 years plus to learn that no one, nor myself, have the right answers to bring out peace, security or happiness in their own lives. 

Like others, I tried to find and fill it through family, friends, marriage, lovers, my children, academics, myself and career. But I have finally found wisdom in the wise words of King Soloman - "everything is meaningless, like chasing the wind" (Ecclesiastes 1:14). For one can gain wealth, power and prestige, but "what do people get for all their hard work under the sun?" (Ecclesiastes 1:3) It all mounts down to one thing, it is like chasing the wind (Ecclesiastes 1:17).

My Pastor, David Chadwick said something today that brought me to tears. He quoted from Mark 10:28, when Peter said to Jesus, "We've given up everything to follow you." Everything! Everything. How profound is that? To give up chasing the whirlwind of life to follow Christ.

Yet, I have taken the same vow, made the same commitment to Christ as Peter. I've given up everything - my professional pursuits, my search for greater wisdom, lesbianism, walked away from many friendships - all in pursuit of one man - Jesus Christ.

Then my Pastor asked this question to the congregation as he quoted Peter in response to his sacrifices. "What will we get?" (Matthew 19:27) I never give any thought to such question before, but now I am pondering it. "Father! What do I get?"

It made me realize, after all is said and done, that I could lose many family members. Simply because of my willingness to be faithful to Christ - because I have agreed to fulfill my commission by writing this book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life. It was at that moment, it was like Christ himself came down from his throne and spoke directly to me as my Pastor read these words at Mark 10:29, 30. "Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, FOR MY SAKE AND FOR THE GOSPEL, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life" (ESV).

I could not compose myself. Because at that moment, I knew, no matter what I have voluntarily given up or people or things I will lose during this season, God has already provided me something greater. How much I needed those words today to keep pressuring forward.

#InstrumentForChrist #MyLifeIsNotMyOwn #YouCanUseMe #IGiveMyselfAway #KingdomWork #Sacrifice #ToJesusIBelong

...After more than 30 years after my childhood abuse that wrecked the lives of my family....

For the first time, after more than 30 years after my childhood abuse, that wrecked the lives of my family, my mother honestly poured her heart out to me. For the first time, she has expressed her pain, sorrow and angry. I got to say some things to my mother I thought I would never be able to express and witness my best friend provide her comfort she desperately needs. Glory be to God.

I have to admit, if God didn't push me to write my book, Surrendering: A Blueprint of My Life, I don't think our conversation this evening would have never taken placed. Thank you, God! This book has open doors that I thought could never be open and is helping my family to heal from our brokenness together.

Based on True Events - Characteristics of Murmuring, Complaining and Self-centeredness,

Based on True Events

A Lesson from Christ. This lesson is based on actual events. A Christian is struggling with the characteristics of murmuring, complaining and self-centeredness, to the point that Jesus has decided to use another servant to address and correct the matter. Below are the events being told by the sister whom God used to teach a moral lesson.

Sundays are my Sabbath day – my day of rest. I used my Sabbath day to watch either Christian or animated movies. Usually, ABC plays the best of animated movies all day, which I was in the mood to watch. But no luck this Sunday. I guess because of football season. Disappointed, I decided to flip through the channels to see what else I could find. As I’m flipping, my mind decides to playback a conversation I had with a close friend after church service. At some point, she interrupted our conversation about the wonderful message Pastor David Chadwick gave and asked me would I pray for her. She finally admitted she knows she has been murmuring and complaining about the people at her job. She just did not know how to stop this habit she has developed.

As I am flipping through the channels, I bypassed the movie, Finding Normal twice by Pure Flix. I have seen that movie at least three times already and I was not in the mood for real life comedy, I wanted separation from real life stuff and escape into the world of animation. But then I felt in my Spirit, this urge to watch it. So I went back a few channels and lay on my soft red leather couch to enjoy a movie I did not want to watch.

(A scene in the movie) - At some point, Doc Shelby approaches Dr. Lisa Leland and explains to her the difference between his avocation (what he is skilled to do) and vocation (his true calling). I listened to the profoundness in the lesson he is teaching her, I heard the Spirit said to me, you are missing the point, go back. So I pressed rewind on the remote control. But it won’t rewind. Then I realized I was watching cable TV. The Spirit spoke again and said, child, look it up on Netflix. I laughed at myself and grabbed my Mac. After listening to that section of the movie twice, the Spirit instructed me to grab my pen and notebook and write down this section in my notebook, but I would need to make three adjustments to it. So I did as I was told. Then the Spirit told me to read Mark 5:1-20. So I did as I was told. Then the Spirit said to me to write down exactly what I am about to say. So I did. Finally, the Spirit instructed me to go to this Christian sister and tell her everything the Spirit had shared with me. So I asked, but what do I say. The only thing the Spirit said to me was, “I will instruct you how and the order in which to say things upon your arrival.

As I got near to my Christian sister, I prayed, “Please arrive before I do and put her in the right Spirit. Make sure the right personality is present upon my arrival.”

I sat down to share with my Christian sister what had happened and why I was there to speak with her. She looked intently and intrigued. I first explained the difference between her avocation and vocation. I reminded her when she shows up to work every day, she never takes off her vocation (true calling – serving others through kingdom work). Then I explained to her that I was going to read something from the movie, Finding Normal, but with a twist, a slight change in three areas. Here is how it was read.

(Doc Shelby says the following to Dr. Lisa Leland; name has been changed) – Tiffany, I would like to challenge your experience if I could. With all due respect, I like to submit, if you accept a patient or the world [meaning people (added content for purpose of moral lesson)] into your care, manage their symptoms, alleviate their pain, extend their days to the full extent of your art. Yet, if you leave them sad, alone, in fear of death, due to your murmuring, complaining, self-centeredness temperament and lack of love (added content), then you have not reached your fullest potential.

The Spirit told me to have her to read Mark 5:1-20. Then have her to explain to me how she thought she fit into the lesson. As she was reading the verses to me, at the bottom of my notebook paper, the Spirit told me, “Write that down and now add this. Write that down too, but put this instead.” So I did as I was told. She proceeded to explain to me how she saw herself in the lesson. The Spirit yelled out “Wrong!” I could feel the Spirit lean in close and whisper softly in my left ear, now read back to her what you wrote at the bottom of your notebook. So I read…

"Those who have on chains are your co-workers. Satan has them chained and in his possession and control. But your job hired you because God sent you there on assignment. We are all on assignment in our workplace. Life pressures, their own poor choices, their sin nature, etc. has driven many of your co-workers to live a life of insanity. Your job or vocation is to act upon Jesus behalf and bring these people back to sanity. But, upon your arrival, the demons immediately recognized who you are. Although, you cannot see them, they know you have arrived there to interfere in their business. So to keep you from fulfilling your assignment, they have tricked you into focusing on your weakness – your complaining, murmuring and self-centered spirit, instead of your calling. As long as they can keep you focus on your co-workers’ insanity, you will be frustrated and full of yourself that you would spend more time complaining and murmuring than doing what you were called there to do.

Then I heard the Spirit said “Shhh.” So I did as I was told. For about 30 seconds, there was quietness and my Christian sister was taking in what all was said. Then the Spirit said, “Read that last paragraph on your paper.” So I said to my Christian sister, what I am about to read is a message from the Father to you. And these are His exact words.

Tiffany, you are not possessed by a demon, but you are enslaved, captive by your past – things you have observed from your childhood. You have developed a habit of dominating others through your complaining and murmuring spirit. You don’t need any casting out of demons to be freed from this spirit that have you captive. You simply need to choose to set yourself free. Until you do, you will never reach your fullest potential. The “I” that I keep reminding you that you lack – “I” means investing in others, is hindering you from reaching your fullest potential. You need to accept your true calling by serving others on the job, in the streets and in your home. You have not accepted this calling in your heart as of yet. Therefore, you have not reached your fullest potential in God’s Kingdom.

Now that I fully understand what God did through me, we both sat there speechless – in silence. I said a few more words that were encouraging. Then I got up, grabbed my bible and left while my Christian sister sat there in stillness.